The Mind of a Simple Ton

2006-08-01T02:24:00.000-04:00

2006-07-11T23:56:00.000-04:00

2006-03-05T06:13:00.000-05:00

I'm using MySpace now... put this link in your favorites.

See you on the other side....

www.myspace.com/trestrio

2006-03-04T01:06:00.000-05:00

Nevermind about the explanation of the last blog... if you want to know where you fit personally into what I was thinking... just let me know... and i'll tell you.

2006-03-02T15:42:00.000-05:00

Epiphany.... "I'm obligated to tell the truth... You're not obligated to listen AND vice versa"... pretty much sums up every relationship I have in all thier different forms. I'll write more on this later... because its good and juicy stuff. But right now.. I have more of an obligation to sleep.

2006-03-02T05:13:00.000-05:00

Dayne... you silly wonderful, bright white, beautiful-minded bloke you...
He wrote this song called "What If I?" a bunch of years back and the song still stick with me. I wish I could fit it onto my songlist on this site.. but the file is too big. Talks about being afraid of this and that... and... actually... most of the song, you'd have to be either high or drunk to think you understand the lyrics... BUT who needs those other lyrics when you have a question like that? That is why two year olds can ask the deepest of life's questions without any comprehension of an actual answer. Why?
What If I... is the adult's version of "why?"... we have learned that there are consequences and reactions to the decisions we make, but just slower at learning than a 2 year old. We want to know, like the child, if the world is still affected a little from us making our mark... or if the world is going to effect us... because we're bringing educated guesses and logic to the table instead of childlike curiosity now.
What If I did this? What If I loved this person? What If I took one more step? What If I followed that lot in life instead of this? What If I took the path less traveled? What If I never ate dessert or smoked that one cigarette? OH... not to mention the What If I's... that lead us somewhere... What If I fail again? What If I lose her? What If I don't care if I lose her? What If I follow in that degenerate's footsteps? What If I only cry if I'm supposed to? What If I only laugh when I'm supposed to? What If I don't call?
Loaded question Dayne. But you can't take full credit for asking it... we all do. (at least the one's who care about where we are and where we are going) I suppose the only ones who could be comfortable answering a question like "what if i" are the ones who have a great track record of decisions and circumstance that leads them to believe... "this will be ok either way". I think to a point... I am. But this isn't about me. You wouldn't be reading if it were. You are curious about how this applies to you. You are asking your own "What If I" questions on a daily basis, whether you know it or not. And I'll say it like a good amatuer psychologist would... You should be if you're not. At least I hope this isn't about me. I guess to a point it is... i'm writing it.
Makes me think of my different roles in life thus far though... I was just contacted by an old friend from Perry Ga. Danny Deal. Loved that kid. I guess he's not a kid anymore, but I had to see his face to believe it. An ADULT! AAAHHH!!! If you're reading this Danny, its good to see your face again. Anyways... we're talking about a whole new Tres from when Danny knew me. When I reflect on memories of blissful past, I tend to stop at college or skip right back to being a trouble-making punk in elementary. I miss those years in between when I was forming my intellectual muscle. Who was I to Danny Deal, Tim Nasworthy, Lance Jarrell, Keith Williams, Jaqi Chapman, Bobby Dees, the guys on my football team, the kids in the youth group at church, my mom and sister, the adults who had to tolerate me? I can't even fathom who that person was. I have to rely on stories and pictures to believe it. I think to a point... I want those childhood friends to forget who I was... if I don't know, I definitely don't want them to. Ok, It is about me now... and unless your name was mentioned there... you probably quit reading. That's ok. I love you anyways. :)
I've been at a lot of lots in life. I've been many things to many people... and now that I'm doing things on my own... trying to stay out of people's way... I'm much more aware of the roles I've taken and can appreciate the good and bad times much more so than looking back and saying "hhhmmm". I do wonder, don't you about yourself?.... about what people will remember about you. What if I leave the wrong impression on a person in one lot in life... and turn out to be the opposite of that in the next? To them, it will be as if I died and thier remaining thoughts of me is something I wouldn't want to be said during my funeral. My soon-to-never born kids would have to hear "Tres was an ass and cheated me of 5 dollars, don't mind me... I'll get it myself."
Oh, you know you have fantasized about going back to a reunion to see how people have turned out...hoping the best or the worst for them. You want to know mine? I secretly hope that Melissa Dominy (my first love) ended up choosing the right guys to be with instead of the popular pricks. Different note... I hope the popular pricks became street vendors with an IQ to boot. You've got some secret fantasies... spill it.
Am I who you expected to see here? Am I who you thought I would be? Am I a life who's lived or procrastinated by holding onto childish "why" questions with the curiosity to boot. I can't wait to answer that question for myself when I'm a ,soon-to-never, father. Congrats by the way to Ruben and Emily; and Dayne and Jamie on thier baby-making skills. I can't wait to see how these kids turn out.
What If I... follow through, using educated guesses, love and logic, stamina of perspective and experience, to lead me to God knows where? I guess God will still know where whether I "fill in the blank" or not. What If I?... hmmm....

2006-02-28T19:53:00.000-05:00

So, its a good thing I'm sick. I feel like someone stuffed my chest full of mucus and sewed a lining of it to my throat. I bet it was that creepy dwarf from Cat's Eye... always stealing breath when people sleep. He's not hiding in my wall though... he's in my head... i can feel him moving around in there. Ouch. Stop. Right... so, its a good thing i'm sick... because if I wasn't, then I would have been making up excuses of why I didn't have anyone to hang out with for the past couple of days. I like my roommates, but we dont do anything together. Never a game of cards... never a board game... not even a 2-player video game. The only thing we've ever shared together was watching tv and going out to eat a few times in the past year and a half. BLAH! Of course, I dont want to say anything... because I dont want to start anything. Besides, what am I going to say??? The only reason I bring it up at all is because i believe they dont read this blog. Its not them though... matter of fact, I feel a little guilty for even mentioning it, because B. is working out relationship stuff with a new girl (always a time stealer) and J. is having some tough family issues. I'm not pressing on those at all... i'm just saying... its easier to work through things when you have friends to do it with you.... and it would take next to no effort to be friends with the people in the same place you live. Well... i probably wouldn't be thinking on this at all if I had an outside source to go to. I could drive 5 hours everytime i get a night off (and not sick) to go hang out with friends in D.C. (if you are reading this and think i'm complaining for a pity party... quit reading.... I dont care what you think anyways) I've just got that lonely feeling. I had someone to hang out with every once in a while... a guy from work... but that's gone to crap I think. I will not... I refuse... You cannot make me... No way in hell... Never.... will I interfere with sight, influence or sound between two "lovers" who met through me. Since I dont know his, or hers, plans outside of work together... I can't call. What if I call while they are naked? What if I ruin a moment of blissful eye gazing? What if I ruin thier game of cards, board game, or 2-player video game? I know how much I want it... I'm not ruining it for someone else. Its'a good thing I'm sick. Its a good thing I have cabin fever.

2006-02-25T20:18:00.000-05:00

Torino is full of unadulterated violence this year. The Olympics has been a friendly competition between countries in pursuit of athletic excellence. Not this time around... it seems that even partners representing the same country are having fueds that can only be settled in one fashion... Kicking Butt.

The girl resorts to hair pulling when jujitsu simply was not enough to get the point across to Renaldo, aka... "The Spinning Fury".

2006-02-25T20:16:00.000-05:00

The Ole' 1-2 combination sends Glass Josephine to the ice.

2006-02-25T20:14:00.000-05:00

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...

2006-02-25T20:12:00.000-05:00

Right hand cross hook.

2006-02-25T20:10:00.000-05:00

HEADLOCK!

2006-02-24T07:53:00.000-05:00

I was driving home from work this morning... and I noticed the trees. That's the best part about working midnights... I get to enjoy a sunrise every morning with the sense of being done with something... and not going to something. The trees were all sillouette-ish and that might be one of my favorite sceneries. I'm a sucker for a dim day and a few bare trees. If trees could talk... I bet these trees would say... "thanks for noticing, even though I'm not looking my best at the moment. You just wait though... in the spring.. i'll be myself again and you'll appreciate my colors. You loved it in the fall when I was undressing, didnt you? Well, thanks again for noticing me when i have nothing to show but these gray bare branches."
And I would say... "I love the sight of you, with or without your colors. You still bring life to an illuminating sky... you know... you keep me grounded."
right... that's supposed to be some kind of analogy.. if you get it figured out... don't be shy, let me know what it means, I'm lost. But I just think its funny that the trees are bare and this winter is not bad at all. I'm not buried in 6 feet of snow. I'm not slipping on ice on my way to the car. I didn't put the shorts in storage. I bet the trees would say "I got undressed for this?"

2006-02-23T04:29:00.000-05:00

I've accepted the fact that I'm not smart, but creative. Problem solving comes easy when given my own ingredients. I have just sent in my 50 dollar non-refundable application fee into NorthCentral University to apply for my PhD. That's... Doctorate of Philosophy in General Psychology. So, its time to test how creative my mind can get in the company of others who might either be smart enough to run through this education with ease or crazy enough to understand the education first-hand. (Did you know that in most demographic studies, only 3% of the population of people who got a higher education get thier doctorate?) 3 is good number for me... It will be interesting to see how I will stand up to the pocket-protector pros with my eccentric aloofness. If anything, I'll be able to take them in a street fight. (I'll fight dirty)
So, one... wish me luck. ... and two... I've decided to tweak the plan. Instead of opening up a coffee house and doing pro-bono psych work... I'm going to open up a coffee house and charge MUCH cheaper rates than my peers. I will live off whatever budget I have before I make the money and put the rest into the coffee house (aka "office"). That will allow me to avoid the lavish lifestyle of spending money on crap I don't need and will still instill a sense of ownership in my "patients" because the money is going right back into what will hopefully set them at ease. Who knows... maybe someday I'll do the professor thing and teach some kids about what it is to take the need to the people who need it... instead of them having to humble themselves or neglect themselves by crawling after it in some clinic w/florescent lights... or signing themselves into some facility.
And... that's that.

2006-02-21T15:52:00.000-05:00

Walkman's have come a long way my friends. I remember the cool freedom there was to taking my music with me on a road trip or just around the block. I bought an iPod last night. Its a 30 gig Video one. It can hold up to 7500 songs. And black. Impressed aren't you?
I just got back from spending three days in Washington D.C. with my buddies Travis, Tyson and Gevon... plus other random people they know. I had a great time. I wasn't the center of attention and that was perfect. I just got to sit back and be a part of the scene. It was exactly what I needed. I got to hear Travis and Tyson's band, Oliver. You should check them out. They have a raw talent that appeals to the heart and the ears. If you dont bob your head then you'll just have to see them live so you can see Tyson bob his. If you dont get lost in the music itself, you can definitely find yourself trying to keep up with Travis, who's drumming style is hypnotizing.
When I was down there... every one of them had an iPod and I noticed that they took them everywhere. I didnt really see the appeal of having an expensive walkman. Its much cheaper to buy a cd player and just burn whatever you want to a cd. But I also noticed that ... that just doesn't cut it... not what I want it for. You see... I need more music in my life. Loud music. I have no way of listening to music loud most of the time. When I'm at home, I dont want to run the risk of annoying my roommates. When I'm at work, I can't, because i need to hear what's going on around me and obviously, I can't wake the kids. But 18 tracks isn't enough anyways. Right now, I have over 200 songs and counting that I'm listening to.
A life soundtrack. It goes perfect with the new change of pace I'm taking with life. First of all... I'm learning self-preservation, regardless of friends. I love you guys and all... but... you know. The most conversation I have with you guys is written anyways... and involves me talking to myself, hoping for a response.
SO... a life soundtrack. I'm going to spend some time putting together a few 12-15 hour playlists to make my soundtrack for whatever day I have planned. Driving songs when I plan on driving. Eating songs when I plan on chewing. Sad, depressing songs when I plan on sitting down to pay my bills. Maybe some Mozart and Chopin for studying. (oh yeah... i'm going for my doctorate in general psych).
If you need me... I'll be lost in the music. Don't come looking for me... I wouldn't want to come back anyways.

Mom... love you.

2006-02-20T17:47:00.000-05:00

Self Preservation is the key... you dont need them. (even if you want them)

2006-02-16T04:22:00.000-05:00

2006-02-16T03:24:00.000-05:00

Stealing is a crime.
Current mood: cheerful

So, I figured something out... if it is only temporary speculation or not, is not important. The odd thing is that it comes to life every other year or so and bothers me to no end (literally it seems).

I find myself torn between choosing between others. I've been doing it for all of my life, minus the first year on this earth. It started with my parents. I ended up with my mom, which I'm SO grateful for, but there were times of deciding which one I was supposed to be with or show more affection to. That was evident when I got into fist-to-cuffs with her and threatned to move in with Danny Sr. Then there was Mike, my adopted dad... when he left, I was thrown back and forth on every other weekend. Christmas was great because of all the presents, but there was also that "Who's gonna win my affection more" game. Then there was mom's boyfriends... Who would I allow to win me over to get to her? Fortunately Bill came along and relieved me of that torture. But its not just parental influence. I have always been the mutual friend that introduces one romantic to another. The untentional cupid. Most of my childhood was watching my best friend Lance go off with girl-friends of mine. The tradition continued in college. No matter how sweet I was... or how good I showed I could be in a relationship... it always went to the guy on my left. I'm not mentioning names outside of my family, because that's not what I'm about... but I can't think of a single girl I was close to in college that didn't go off with another guy and ended up worse off than what I was willing to offer. Even when I did seriously date, it ended up with her cheating on me with my Eagle Scout roommate. Its not that I dont trust women. The person I trust most in this world is my mother. I dont trust being in the middle of friends of mine who are the opposite sex. AND the thing I hate the most is when I have to take sides when it all crumbles. Dont' get me wrong... I'm a good shoulder... but I dont want it tear-soaked on one side and cold on the other. I'm sick of it... and refuse to do it any longer... no matter the cost. So, from now on... if you are a female friend of mine, and meet one of my male friends... and decide you want to hit it off... Bye. I'm not putting myself in that position anymore. Keep the details to yourself... I DO NOT CARE. If that means I lose friends... fine. It doesn't mean I still wont love my friends, but I'm not God... and I can't love unconditionally.
So there... now you know the conditions. Sorry if I'm not up to par with the way you think. (or even if i think too much) ... chances are... we wouldn't be good friends anyways.
Oh... and all this is to say I dont mind being the source you find happiness through... you're just on your own once you find it. (you wouldn't need me anyways would you?)
Well, its about that time...
I'm going to go play hide and go seek in Target with the security guards. (The trick is to grab the most expensive box set of dvds off the shelf, keep it in full view, and walk around like you're looking for a way out of the store...Its even more fun to play in the middle of the night. You wouldn't believe how much of an eagle eye they keep on those things... but dont' actually leave... that would be a crime.)

2006-02-15T04:47:00.000-05:00

hhmm... maybe if I ask enough questions into the infinite abyss... I'll eventually get an answer.

Who was the greatest warrior of all time and why?

2006-02-14T02:53:00.000-05:00

Hey guys... I have a question.

What is the difference between a friend you talk to... and a friend you are honest with? How does that happen?

2006-02-11T23:59:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking.
It seems that I've come a long way since the glory days. I'll let you decide when those days were if you know/knew me. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind holding onto the pungent tastes of social awkwardness and the absurd. I like my occasional hazing and "your momma" fights... but life is not the same... maybe it looks the same. I still wear glasses, still can't shop at Abercrombie because they dont sell clothes my size, still ramble about nothing... convinced its everything. I still try to talk people into going out using the convincing argument that "its going to be the best thing ever." ... But I'm telling you... I'm different. Its not the gray hair on my face, creeping up towards my hairline... It wasn't some traumatic experience... It's not trying to get set in my ways... Its... perspective. It's knowing what I lack... and what I must change about myself and/or my enviroment. Which, is community at the moment. I think the difference between now and "glory days"... is that I'm ready to act on it. (((now... if i can just talk jealousy into not acting out.)))
Here's what I've been kicking around in my head. Its obvious to everyone who's ever known me, or talked to me for longer than 5 minutes... that I want to open a coffee house. But I hadn't really thought it through before... I had to ask myself the proverbial toddler's question... Why? Well... I want community. I want a haven for communication and universal thought. I want a classroom without walls, but I dont want to be the teacher or a ringleader. I want a niche'... and I want a safehouse. I want culture and I REALLY want music. I want good times... and I want the bad times just as much. I want what I need. And I need... what we all want... To Relate.
Who said it?... John Donne? ... "No man is an island.. " I think it was him. Regardless of what we experience in life, we cannot fully experience the experience without validation and support from our friends. And we want that experience because in turn, we have a leg to stand on when we turn to support our friends. So, I suppose the question is... Who are our friends? I could dig out some over illustrated sermon on "who is our neighbor?", or I could take a look at who is around me on a daily basis to decide. Right now... my options are valuable, but limited in friendships... and there's no safe way of saying they will hold thier value... I dont really have any reason to believe that they do. I'll get to the point, I swear... right now.. matter of fact.
I don't want to just open a coffee house. I want to open myself up to my friends... and be there the same in return. I am going back to school to get my Master's and/or Doctorate Degree in the Psych field. I want the title to validate the worth of what I have to offer... a listening ear and a mouth that spouts out more than hot air. I am going to become what I've always been good at. A professional shoulder to lean on when it comes to talking things out. I know I've let some people down when it comes to this... but I can't do anything about it now... and chances are... I'm going to do it again. But I am learning from my mistakes now... there is no success without error under trial. And that is what I'm taking into the mainstream. I want to do pro-bono counseling/therapy/psych work with a title in my office/coffeehouse. I want to offer relief, laughter, friendship, fire-side chats, counseling, mentoring, grandpa's advice... to people who want and need it... but would never step foot in an actual office. I want to earn my wages from what happens with the coffee house... not from the counseling work. That way... it does two things. It allows people to know that they are getting this from a genuine source... and the money they would have spended on my downpayment for a yacht is going into the office itself, that they have grown to love and call thier own. Its going to come from buying stuff at the counter... paying for tickets to see great bands... the tip jar. It will build a sense of ownership into thier lives, which is a good step to take at all when seeking out advice and companionship. In the meantime... people will be drawn in... because we all want what the cast of Cheers had. We all want to be on a championship team. We all want to run our mouth around friends and not worry about what we're saying. I think we can do this... but I know one thing is absolute... I can't do it alone. I hope the valuable keeps its course... I'd hate to move up and go looking for it... again.

2006-02-11T15:37:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody. That's not an annoucement... that's a greeting.

I'm so just chilling out and listening to great music right now. I've been living this lifestyle of what its like to live in my own coffee house... (call it practice)... and I am absolutely loving it. I've been getting stuff done... talking to my roommates more... being service-oriented.. listening to and getting lost in the music. I've been watching less tv because if you went to a coffee house and just watched tv, you'd be lame. I've been reading and laughing. I light the candles for the mood and make shadows on the wall look cool by rearraning the furniture and plant life we have around here. I've been treating the dogs like the way you would treat a dog if you saw them in a coffee house... excited that someone brought them and letting them be the mascots because they're here more than anyone else. I've been thinking deep and developing plans... you know... i'm day dreaming and smiling. Well, I just wanted to say hi to my friends and family... I'm off to go learn something new and maybe say hi to a particular friend or two. Be good.

2006-02-03T08:46:00.000-05:00

Toney gets a Tat.

How weird is it that the minister of the church i go to... makes the news for getting a tattoo?
http://www.kdka.com/video/?id=13203@kdka.dayport.com

2006-02-02T21:41:00.000-05:00

What I want in a Woman...

Maybe the title got your attention... good.
I'm a very community oriented person. I love to be surrounded by friends, hanging out.. doing things together... doing nothing together... just living happy in each other's company. It's why the idea of having my own coffee house is so appealing... I want the community. I dont want regulars... I want friends... and the more the better.
But here's what i want in a woman... I want to be able to come away from being with friends, her included, after shooting the breeze on something, or playing cards, or coming home from a roadtrip with everyone... and going home, to be with her. Because she is still giving me the sense of community, but she is the one who is keeping me grounded, because she is looking out to make me the happiest amongst all the others. She has my best interests in mind, and vice versa... because I still have the sense of community with her being there... and I have her best interests in mind. She doesn't put me down if she's having a bad day... she knows that if she's having one, i'm going to have one too, but not because of her, with her and vice versa. That's what I want the most.
because all the rest of it... will just be life that you can't plan... or would want to for that matter. The rest becomes rules and obligations to live up to... which in turn become expectations, which none of us are willing to live by happily.
truth is... I want what everyone wants. That.
and THAT... is why I'm not dating around, or floosing, or "lookin' to get hitched", or "hook up". There has to be a community before there can be... That. (her included)

2006-02-02T03:46:00.000-05:00

2006-02-01T01:24:00.000-05:00

Curious...yet patient... George.

2006-01-31T02:13:00.000-05:00

I had to do a Greg one... just had to.

2006-01-30T17:16:00.000-05:00

Current Events:

In March, it will be two years that I've kept up with this blog. I remember my first post being something about Marching forward to take on something new... and surprisingly, I have kept up with it. Since I have SiteMeter, I can see who is reading it, and the "audience" has boiled down to being Jaylyne, my Mom, a couple of friends now and again, and people who google "Muppets". I probably shouldn't have written Muppets again... because that just encourages them to think I'm a devoted fan or something. (I did it again)... (I would have said "oops, I did it again"... but Brittany Spears ruined that phrase for everyone.) Now I'm going to get visitors to this site who are looking for Brittany Spears and the Muppets... maybe some combination of both.
Right... so, I have noticed that the readers have fluxuated almost as much as my attention span. I dig that... because it has kept me in check for making sure I write this for me, and do things for my own amusement. That was alot to say... for nothing to say... which is always a current event in itself.

ALSO... I have given myself a new slogan. I went out and spent 30 bucks on two very large Dry-Erase marker boards for the purpose of reminding myself of this slogan... DO SOMETHING. I spend far too much time in front of a computer... and for the past several months... in front of a t.v. It has a draining effect on life... and I'm opposed to the things I've grown comfortable with. I don't despise myself, or loathe my lifestyle... that'd be stupid. But, I have to change it.... I have to. So, I have a giant dry erase marker board in my room to remind me to Do Something... but not just anything. I also have a list of things I could be doing at any given time. Its not a comprehensive list of things that have to be done... like chores. Its a list of alternatives. Here's what's on the list right now: 1) Tres' Space. 2)Operation clean the car. 3) Do dishes. 4)Play drums. 5)Do something for someone else. 6)Make the floors clean. 7)Learn something new. 8)Leave the house. 9)Read... and 10)Punch your roommates in the back of the head while they aren't looking and run away.
So far.. its worked. I've been cleaning the house for the past 3 days... and I feel productive. Hmm... maybe I have another slogan now, with a play on words... ProDOctive. (its fun to say, either way.) Ok.. time to go do something on my 1-10 list. (Seger better hope its not #10)

2006-01-29T18:11:00.000-05:00

THUNDER THUNDER THUNDER CATS... HOOOO!!!!

2006-01-29T14:57:00.000-05:00

Two things...

Beard or No Beard? (if there are no comments... i'm just going to not shave for a few more days and then shave some funky shape into it... like an otter swimming.)

I just read a quirky statement... "live your life like you wouldn't mind selling your parrot to the town gossip."
quirky... like an otter... swimming.

2006-01-28T17:55:00.000-05:00

Let me tell you what I miss... the most.

Where are the middle-aged guys who sit around playing thier instruments in the evenings, telling stories about thier childhood or the very least, someone else's? Where are the bored out-of-college guys who have nothing better to do than pick up a guitar, set up some drums, and break out the amps, and judge how well the night is going by how into the music they get? Where are the hippies and thier drum circles? Have they bored themselves down into hole somewhere, where they count thier pennies and do their taxes while wiping spit of a baby's lip? Are they too busy working thier way up in corporate, with paper cuts on thier fingers disabling them to play? Have the hippies smoked themselves out?
I miss the group of friends who express thier interest collectively with strings and skins. I dont want the old days back... I want new ones... filled with music, because music is best heard in the present. Listening to over 1000 songs that others did in a room with padding on the wall, is great for the sound... but what about the spirit? And why can't i join? The best thing I learned from orgainzed sports, was to play along... but now... where is the team...the band?
Give me music... and that's a plus... but give me a band.. and I'll show you what I miss most.

2006-01-27T19:18:00.000-05:00

STEELERS VIDEO

2006-01-27T16:48:00.000-05:00

2006-01-27T02:06:00.000-05:00

Jaylyne's got my back...

2006-01-26T08:30:00.000-05:00

Who is Donn Hinton and why is Donn Hinton?

2006-01-25T00:33:00.000-05:00

Copied from MYspace...

Long Blog Ahead... If you're in a hurry, you have my permission to glance at how long it is and be on your way to click on "hot" people, or check your messages or something. (I wish I had a British accent.)

Man... I remember the amount of stupid I felt when Melissa Dominy walked into the room, any room. It felt like my tongue split in two, and if I had to... I could get away with looking like I at least was undergoing therapy from having it sown back together... leaving me with a great excuse for never speaking but always be in awe of her aura. "Awe of her Aura." That should go up in some kind of hall of fame for hopelessly romantic quotes. Geez... she was hot (not a quote up for nomination). I'm sure, now to look back I'd see an undeveloped geeky girl trying to be cool and getting her kicks out of getting all the attention from the equally undeveloped geeky boys. She definitely had mine. And I'd like to thank you, Melissa Dominy... wherever you are... for being my first love. (even though I only mustered up enough courage to call and say those two ridiculously unsmooth, scared to death... sentences. "Hey, my friend Lance wrote all those fake love letters from me to you that was under your desk. Can we be friends though?") The voice in my head just called me an idiot.

Wait, was I making a point? Probably... but either way... I was just wondering... where is that kind of love? Where's the concept of a fearful love that existed for us in 6th grade (or younger for you sluts and manwhores)... especially for the undeveloped opposite sex? Yes, its a rhetorical question... and no... i'm not planning on solving the world's problems with one blog (maybe two), which wouldn't matter anyways, because we all know the world revolves around me. That kind of love, the 6th grade style, was full of fear and wonder and hope and failure and retaliation, and change, and a little more fear. It was how we felt about going to school the first day... or making our first public speech, but there was only love as we knew it.. and it encompassed everything when it hit us. That kind of feeling for love followed us up through high school... where dating is allowed to be a bit more serious, because you're older now. But it pretty much just boils down to being at a time in your life where you are learning that being responsible is the key to success... in all walks of life.
And then like idiots... we tack on that feeling of 6th grade love to the idea of being responsible, spreading like kudzu over minds. Love is less of a butterfly in the pit of the stomach feeling... and more like a chart of things to accomplish before being allowed to do it. Look at the way people date... there are rules to courtship because responsibilites reqire rules. That's how so many people have no problem dating... because they learned the rules of seduction, and the right play to win over someone's heart, and what to do when and where for who. How?... I dont know... i'm a slow learner.
Don't get me wrong... responsibility is a key factor in life... but love has the freedom to be wild if it wants. Love even broke the rules when it rose from the dead. But to some, that's a stupid concept... because they work hard for thier love... its ludacris to accept the fact that God could get away with it so easy and just expect it. But in case you don't recall the story... there was pain and heart break involved there too.
But I want it wild. I want to walk into a room... any room... and see Melissa Dominy (maybe not the actual Melissa Dominy), have my heart beat out of my chest... fidgety and nervous in case she looks at me... and just stopped in the "Awe of her Aura". Man I hope responsibility to love doesn't over shadow the wildness of it. And... I better remember not put that hope on my checklist of things to do for love.

yes? no? maybe? - check one.

2006-01-22T14:20:00.000-05:00

2006-01-22T14:03:00.000-05:00

2006-01-22T13:34:00.000-05:00

Today is Jeremy's Birthday... big number 26!!!

2006-01-21T21:59:00.000-05:00

2006-01-21T16:33:00.000-05:00

2006-01-21T15:47:00.000-05:00

Super SimpleTon

2006-01-20T00:17:00.000-05:00

So, my mom rocks. I called her today to say hi and she and Bill had decided to take a last minute trip from Georgia to Mississippi to go play in a poker tournament. funny. I remember a few years ago, I couldn't get my mom to even open a deck of cards... and now she's traveling to play in tournaments. From what I hear, Bill is putting a hurt on the competition as well... kudos. (I can still put a whippin' on her though, regardless of how good she is... I know her tells.) And, it seems that my beautiful little sister Emily has developed the knack as well. It would seem to me, that whenever I'm able to make it home to GA, we will have developed our first immediate family tradition of playing poker... (where they will lose to me every time.)

2006-01-18T14:23:00.000-05:00

ROASTY!!!

2006-01-16T08:32:00.000-05:00

My MOM sells the Real Estate like it's nobody's business... but her business... and let me tell you... mom's in the business of giving you the business... and business is boomin'... just like my busy business momma.

2006-01-16T08:02:00.000-05:00

Ok Meg... that's an easy one! The QueenBobcat of Camfrog... in the green letters.

2006-01-16T04:45:00.000-05:00

Yes... I am going to finish the story... I'm just not in the writing "mood".

I am in the mood however to make up an entire cast of SouthPark-ish characters. Leave me a comment on here of who you are... and I'll make one of you with my own little bio of you. WOO HOO!!! Yay for creative fun with other people's ideas! (don't be shy mom... i'm going to do one of you anyways.) ;)

2006-01-15T04:30:00.000-05:00

This is what I do at work... I create South Park characters that look like Me, scruffy with my hoody... My roommate Brian, decked out in his lawyer suit and working for the weekend... and My roommate Jeremy, bald and plotting something in his head.

2006-01-15T00:36:00.000-05:00

Meet... Baileyzeebub... the official voice of paranoia.

2006-01-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

no time to write tonight... doing suicide prevention watch... keeping an eye on a recent AWOLer... keeping a client in check who didn't take the night time meds... keeping two clients at bay who are wanting to kill each other.... and yes... they are all different people. BLAHH!!

I'm joining the Y on Friday.

2006-01-11T04:11:00.000-05:00

A Story for Jaylyne to read at work... Part 6.

How was this possible? On the first page of the journal...in sloppy hand-writing, much like my own, were the words... "Michael J. Smith. Love or Loathe?"
Then it occurred to me... I had been followed. Someone must have known I would make my way to the wall of journals... and with my lust for retail, they would have known I would have been drawn into the sale. Someone here knows me well enough to know that I would have browsed the entire section because of my meticulous nature and love for detail. They must have known I would have picked up the unmarked book to brush the pages over for the sake of doing it just to do it. Clearly, if I had been followed... then this was the only reasonable explanation. I closed the journal, dropped my chin... drew a smirk on my face and turned slowly to catch the prankster in the act.... But there was no one there. I didn't lose the confidence I had in this prankster, so I made quick dashes across the store and back again to catch the face of someone I knew and give them the respect they deserve for thier clever wit. The people who saw me moving back and forth through the aisles had no choice but to draw thier attention to the mad man making waves out of thier social comfort realm. An employee stopped and asked me if she could help me find who I was looking for. I told her that she would not know them if she saw them and it was no sense to bother others, aside from the searching lunatic already in thier midst. It took me another minute or so to explain to her that I had not lost a child. I continued my search, but in vain. I recognized noone. But surely, they would return to the scene of the crime and were waiting to reveal themselves to me near the wall. I made my way back, jumping from around the corner with a hearty "HA!" to prove my detective skills reached well beyond thier criminal ones. But again... there was no one there.
I had just spent the latter part of my visit to the bookstore acting out like an idiot and was thrown off by how this could have been done. Then of course... the obvious solution to this puzzle was that it was not meant for me at all. I opened the journal back to the first page and read the words again... "Michael J. Smith. Love or Loathe?"
There must be hundreds, if not thousands of Michael J. Smiths in this country. I could not dismiss the idea that I had ran across the evidence left behind by one of them, proving thier existence reached beyond the phone books. This logic made perfect sense and backed up my choice for this particular journal. One Michael J. Smith was just as good as another. I felt satisfied and validated.
And just in case it was the prankster... I would have proof of thier practical joke later when I ran into them, at the office, or the gym, or wherever else I might run into someone who knew me well. But in order to have proof... I had to have ownership. I could not wait another minute... my lust for retail was overwhelming. I made my way up to the counter, refused the offer to become a bookstore member, placed the journal on the counter and reached for my wallet.
"Is the newspaper yours or did you get it here?", the counter help asked.
"No, it's mine."
"Then what are you paying for?", she asked with a confused look on her face.
"I'm buying this journal. It doesn't have a red sale sticker or UPN number on it, but they are listed as 50% off."
"This is not one of ours. I stacked the journals myself. This must be someone's personal journal left behind."
Hmmm... "Well, ok. It must belong to me then. It has my name in it.", I said with a sly look on my face... looking as if I just cracked the code to all of human humor. It was the sure fire way to see that the journal left with me. But she was not amused and quickly moved on to check out the person behind me. Without eye contact she said "You enjoy that mister. Next."
I made my way through the security scanners with a wincing look, knowing that I just stole the best book in the store, waiting for the alarms to go off... where the S.W.A.T. team would promptly meet me at the door with guns drawn. A helicopter would be flying overhead ready to track my movements if I decided to make a run for it. A negotiator waiting in the wings with a bullhorn and an agenda to have me make the right choice and just give myself up. It would be better for me in the long run. Or worse yet... my mother, ordering me to go to the nearest tree to pick my own switch.
I made my way through the security gates... there was no alarm... there was no one there. Just myself and the evidence of another Michael J. Smith.

con't...

2006-01-10T23:59:00.000-05:00

Every time I go to SiteMeter and see how many people have been to the blog on any given day... There is always at least one, if not several, people who come to it through the search words of "Muppets" or "Muppet Babies". Maybe I should devote a site to the Muppets. hhmm...

2006-01-10T02:36:00.000-05:00

A story for Jaylyne to read at work Part 5

Wait... when would I have time to write in a journal? And more so, what would I write about? If my life were remotely interesting, it might be worth recording. I don't want to look back years from now and read how tough a day at the office was, or how I almost missed that deadline and who was giving who second glances from one cubicle to the next. I wish I could forget the days I have now... not treasure them, so one of my kids down the road will look through my things to find out how lame I was. To say the least, my life lacked adventure... and adventure is what I wanted to write about. Even writing about how I skipped a day of work to goof off and roam around like and idiot was far from eventful in the eyes of a dreamer. I could imagine my journal surviving through the ages in an air-tight vault, filled with excerpts on how I made it through the day... to be discovered by some future civilization of man looking for the answers in life, of who they were, and where they came from... with only my lame journal to guide them. Lame. I could not be responsible for a future civilization re-creating cultures based on limited movement and wearing nice clothes to appease one another. The only solution to this was simple. I had to re-invent my life if I were to take the risk of recording it. Who I am now, would be something I wrote about as if I were happy to see me go. The person my kids and the future civilizations, we will call them Mikealites, will discover is going to be a risk-taker, adventurer, poet, craftsman, and diligent worker. Loyal to the mass of friends he finds along the way. He will be a storyteller with his own stories to tell.
Oh, but where to start? A decision like this is like standing in front of all these journals lining the wall. There wasn't just one life to pick from. I have a variety of choices and it would seem that the journal I haven't bought yet was already helping me. I do not want a showy and flashy life. I do not want to live out someone else's life by having thier name written all over my exterior. Come to think of it... maybe that's why I never wear name brand clothes. I don't want my life to be defined by some witty slogan, nor do I want to look like I've been found, picked up and brushed off in some mystical fairy tale forest. I want to start fresh, with nothing on my back but skin and ready to weather the elements of what I wanted to get myself into. And now was my chance... to take the opportunity I would not have had on any other day but today. Starting fresh came at a discounted price, backed with personal freedom and a comfortable hooded sweatshirt. And this journal stood out to me... removable leather cover, only secured by two straps, and seemingly worn but not worn out. I reached up to the top shelf for it, with no assistance from the devil in khakis, and brought it down with confidence that this was the life I was going to choose, no matter what it cost.
But there was no price tag.
There was no red sale sticker.
And to my surprise... after I opened it... I was not the first one here.

con't...

2006-01-09T15:46:00.000-05:00

A story for Jaylyne to read at work... part 4.

I can't believe the number of options for the journals that were lining the west wall of the store. I expected to have to search for them somewhere between the stationary of frogs on motorcycles and postcards of Elvis. It was the entire wall, filled with an assortment of glitter and leather... some with old english caligraphy and others with pictures of rainbows or watermarked leaves. And the devil in khakis was right... there was a sign posted directly between row 6 and 7 on the wall that read "50% OFF All Journals until Noon Today". The sign wasn't even a make-shift dry-erase board. It was a professional print. It was apparent that they were intent on seeing these journals finding thier way out. Was this the sort of sale that happened all the time? Were there other sales going on out in the world that did not involve me and my work schedule. The very notion of it set the feeling of satisfaction and regret simutaniously. I felt regret that I had been missing out on things on the outside world on a regular basis and I felt satisfaction that I didn't miss out today. It was only fair that I would give attention where attention was due... aside from myself of course.
I immediatley dismissed the journals that were laced with glitter and rhinestones. Same went for the ones that had famous author's names imprinted on them. I have no desire to write in something with someone else's name on it... especially someone to the likes of Shakespeare. Those types of journals lacked originality. They left no room for the creative element I was out to achieve. It would be like throwing a three course meal from a five-star resturant into a McDonald's paper bag. The cover and just overall asthetics of whatever journal I might get had to let some over-the-shoulder reader that I was serious about this. It would be the type of journal that Ghandi and Jesus wrote in... perhaps what the Bible was written on before it was put into large print and laced with gold trim. I was looking for rugged sophistication. I was looking for something that did not define my persona... but instead... who I wish I could be.
Maybe that's why the sale only lasts until noon.... the store knew that I would probably stand here all day and ponder on trivial things like journal covers... and it was thier responsibility to see customers come and eventually go. Having to choose by noon was a clever ploy to get neurotics like me to pick the most expensive of the bunch on a final fleeting whim of frustration. But this was my day off... by choice... and by choice... I'm going to make sure I picked the needle out of the haystack. It was my day to live, learn, and decide.
Today... I would join the ranks... or at least make a good effort to. They weren't selling all these journals for nothing. It told me that there were people out there who cared enough for life to put down words to represent it... and the number of these people were large. There must be all sorts of people who don't mind writing in a pink covered journal lined with the kind of white lace that is only alternatively found on the dining room set cover at your grandmother's house. There must be people out there who enjoy writing in a journal that requires six locks, a fingerprint scan, voice-recognition, and social security number in order to get in it. To tell the truth, I like that idea. But... not today. Today... I was going to join the ranks of the rugged and sophisticated. I'll pick... that one.

con't....

2006-01-06T10:15:00.000-05:00

A story for Jaylyne to read at work Part 3.

I knew this was a good idea. Immediately, the sight of all the colors from the awaiting book covers grabbed me and left any regret I had on the other side of the security panels. I was not used to this. I don't even remember the last time I have been to a bookstore. The colors that usually greeted me was some mixture of gray and off-white in my disturbingly small cubicle. I swear, if it were any smaller or any more lack of imagination, people would pay to see how I escaped it unscathed and still breathing. No, today... this was my office. I even looked up to notice how high the ceiling was... I never do that. I wanted, and possibly even needed, to feel a sense of space to match the open ended time that I had to waste today. And this was perfect... space, colors, imagination, art, smells... and I didn't even have to step out into nature for them.
Questions start to fill my mind. Not questions, like... Where do I start? or... Who are the best sellers? or... Where is the self-help section? The questions I had pouring in like a flood were, Why haven't I made more time for this? and... Who were the people who had the freedom to sit and write all these books? and... Could I join thier ranks if I made more days like today a priority instead of sticking tight to my routine? I am caught up in looking at this place for what it is, in this moment. It was a haven for creativity and fresh thought... a far stretch from the reality I know. And who better to be here... than me? Yes, me... the author's muse.

I spent an undetermined amount of time making my way around the store and looking the way I would if I were shopping for a pet... or scoping out which woman I would like to get to know better. It had to be a beautiful choice. The book I was going to pick had to be worthy of my freedom. It had to justify my fake illness. It had to be all I dreamed for it to be, and hopefully more. In a sense... I needed the collective creativity of all the authors to pick the right one. Who would all these authors admire and why? If put to a vote... who would they read and what convincing argument could they give me to read along?
It is my nature to over analyze and make sure things are in thier correct places. Maybe that's why I got the accounting job after one interview... even if I did rearrange the boss' stationary during the third question. Everyone knows the pen holder goes directly to the right or left of the writing pad and is not seperated by a stapler. So, of course... picking a book in a bookstore was going to be no easy task. And the last thing I need is...
"Sir, can I help you find anything today? There is a 50% sale on journals today that will end by noon."
"No, thank you... I'm just browsing."
Whoever heard of a sale that lasts until noon? I'll have to keep that in mind... I might not want to miss out on anything this place is offering me today.
AAAGHHHH! I lost my train of thought... because someone was doing thier job. I wasn't thinking of a Sale. I wasn't concerned with upkeep of customer service being upheld by Barnes or Noble. I was in the process of picking perfection out of a crowd. I was working the perfect equation on the art of choosing... and now, it's lost... to a distraction wearing khaki pants. But there is no need in getting upset over my own personality and freakish attention to detail. I could be upset in my cubicle any day I choose. Not today...
No... Today... I'm looking at getting myself a Journal... 50% off....

2006-01-06T00:54:00.000-05:00

A story for Jaylyne to read at work Part 2:

Screw it! I don't take enough sick days as it is.
"(cough) Hey Barb, this is Mike from Accounting. I don't think I can (cough cough) make it in today. I'm not feeling well. Would you (cough cough cough cough) Would you mind letting Mark know I'm caught up from last Thursday and I can have those numbers for next week in by tomorrow afternoon? (sniffle).... Thank you Barb. I owe you one."
Playing hookey was my forte' in school and its good to know I haven't lost my touch. Irresponsible? yes. Deceptive? yes. Masterfully done? yes. Needed? maybe. Ok, the guilt/excuses checklist is just about complete. Now I have to take a lesson from my childhood hero, Ferris Bueller, and make this day off count for something. What a great movie... there was this persona of a care-free person who was willing to sacrifice the rote for the rare. Ferris taught every skipper that you can't just get out of something unless you're planning on getting into something. All who sat home alone watching t.v. in order to avoid that surprise pop quiz was missing out on an essential life experience. Suckers. Not me... I have decided... I am going to make this day count.
But how? Where would I start? I haven't missed a day of work in 3 years, and I've been working for Intel-tech for 2 and a half years. The degree of fun I could have seems to be limited. One, from lack of people to share it with and Two... I'm just clueless about what I want to do. Think this through Mike... Michael...Mikey... Mickey boy... Mick... Michelangelo....
YES! I'm going to the art museum. No. No, I'm not. I'm not that interested in art, but at least I'm on the right track. What do I like to do? or better yet... what do I never do? What can a 29 year old accountant with a distaste for the outdoors enjoy in a city like this?
Well, I'm already wasting time... whatever it is.... I have to get a move on it. I wish I were as skilled at brainstorming as I am at calling in sick. I have an idea... I think I'll just drive until something pops up. My mind operates better when I'm using basic motor skills anyways. BUT NOT WHILE WEARING THIS GOD FORSAKEN TIE!

After driving around for nearly half an hour I decided it was time to stop... and make my way into the closest strip mall to see what jumps out at me. I've always been inspired by retail... don't ask me why. Its a mystery. Dick's Sporting Goods? no. Best Buy? no, I dont want to spend money. Toys R Us? hhmmm... I'm not feeling that childish. Ah! The sign seemed to have a greener glow than usual today... Barnes and Noble. Inside that store is a wealth of information, opinion, and retail. I knew something would jump out at me. Let me see if I came prepared for a venture like this. Thick hoody sweatshirt to curl up in while sitting in one of the private lazyboy chairs in the corner? check. Newspaper, in case I don't find anything worth reading? check. Pen and wallet, in case I decide to buy something inexpensive? check. All day personal freedom? absolutely checked.
I walked through the double doors past the security scanners promising myself... "This is going to be a day worth remembering, whether I forget about it or not."

con't....

2006-01-05T05:37:00.000-05:00

NEWS FLASH!!! THIS JUST IN.... i have hair.

2006-01-05T01:47:00.000-05:00

A story for Jaylyne to read at work:

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP SLAM! snooze button. I used to start my days without the alarm clock. For some reason, my body would wake itself every morning at 6:50 on the dot without fail. I quit relying on that after I decided to devote another hour of my PM routine to the late night talk shows. There was nothing overly entertaining about them. It was just one more thing I wanted to do with my day to avoid feeling like I had wasted it on routine. Maybe I would catch some celebrity gossip or see a stupid human trick I could pull at some party I wouldn't be going to any time soon. Maybe it was the fact that I needed to lose some control in my life by moving outside the lines I drew for myself. Staying up late was my parent's vice in dealing with me all through childhood. Perhaps it was just to feel like a kid again. I could stay up late thinking of all the different reasons why I had broken this fail-proof plan of routine, but I know that was not my intention at all. As a matter of fact, pointing to any kind of evidence of a need for change or thinking things through, was the thing I needed to avoid. I know me. I know if I were to think my life through, I would not like the path I took to get here... and knowing where "here" was... was really of no interest to me to discover.
Well, that was a good 9 minutes of snooze time wasted to this reoccuring theme of thinking about Things. It was time to get the day rolling... the smell of morning brew of coffee had creeped it's way into my room and was inticing me to get to it before the cold air did. God love the inventor of Mr. Coffee and his loyalty to keeping time. Somewhere out there was a man, who understood the meaning of the word "grind" as well as I did. He liked his coffee how he liked his day... starting fresh, on time, ready to face the heat of the day, thick and full of flavor. I have a deep admiration for this man and often wonder what it would be like to drop my job as a number cruncher and go work for him as his understudy. He doesn't know what he's missing by not seeking out a talent like this.
As with any routine, you have your highs and lows. My low for waking up in the morning was not the intial shock from the alarm clock... it was getting into the shower. I would try to make it as quick as I could, washing the vital spots... and somtimes washing over them twice if I were expecting company or was going to make some attempt at impressing my boss in hopes that I might be considered for that promotion. The morning shower always struck me as a chore, because it forced me to see myself naked... and I'm not too fond of that... partly because I am unhappy with my physique and partly because it brings attention to the fact that I am single, maybe for this reason. Which is why as soon as I was able to get my bearings in the bathroom, I would shut the lights off and shower with the skills of a blind man on a tightrope. The shampoo was directly to the right of my face. The soap, lying faithfully beside it. It was an art form... and like any good artist... I despised my work.
Picking out the clothes for the day was enough for the wardrobe to rebel and cause mutiny... and I swear they had a mind of thier own. Some days, my favorite pants would fit and other days... it didn't matter if I wore the belt or not. Ever since I had been talked into taking an office job for a pay raise of a dollar more an hour, I have lived with regretting the suit and tie approach to life... but Ah... such is life, right? Or so they say... but it is not my place to think about the actual meaning of that phrase. I would love to spend the rest of my morning debating over what "such is life" is... but that would definitely throw me off schedule. Its funny how work is the very distraction to the idea of working. "Make money. Buy nice things. Meet a wonderful woman. Make grandbabies." These are the words that echo in the back of my mind when I start to call this work into question. And those words have echoed into the very depths of my actions... because here I go again. Off to Grind it out for another day.

con't later....

2005-12-26T01:01:00.000-05:00

So, I know how disgusted a lot of people are with the commercial christmas... long lines... sales... material emphasis, and having it all gift-wrapped in the illusion of community and "spirit"... but come on... its still great to get "stuff".

What did everyone get for Christmas? I paid my bills with my Christmas money... so, your presents will double as my own. I like seeing people happy and that's Christmas enough for me.

2005-12-25T02:23:00.000-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!!!

If you're in the mood for some Little Drummer Boy...
make your way over to MySpace.

2005-12-24T15:16:00.000-05:00

It's Christmas
Baby, please come home

(Yeah!)

The snow's coming down
I'm watching it fall
Watching the people around
Baby please come home

The churchbells in town
They're rining a song
What a happy sound
Baby please come home

Theyr'e singing deck the halls
But it's not like Christmas at all
I remember when you were here
And all the fun we had last year

Pretty lights on the tree
I'm watching 'em shine
You should be here with me
Baby please come home

Baby please come home
Baby please come home

They're singing deck the halls
But it's not like Christmas at all
I remember when you were here
And all the fun we had last year

If there was a way
I'd hold back these tears
But it's Christmas day
Baby please come home
Ohh...

Baby please come home
Baby please come home
Baby please come home
Ohh...
Baby please come home
Baby please come home

Man, what a great Christmas song...
This will be the first Christmas without my grandmother. And for the second year in a row... its Christmas without my family because I have to work. Well... its not really work that keeps me from being there. Its where I am. If I were a few hours drive from GA... I would go regardless, but I'm 13 hours away. So, least to say... i'm not very much in the Christmas mood in this very moment.... but give me a few hours. I'll be cool once my vacation starts.
So, I'm debating on making Johnson City, TN my home... to where Ruben and Co. and myself will begin the preemptive work of laying grounds for... get ready for it................. A Coffee House! and... hookah bar! All I'll need to find, is a job... a place to live... and a means of living. So, if you're in the know... then feel free to show...

2005-12-20T02:24:00.000-05:00

This is what I would look like if I were being born to Big Bird... or as a Sunflower experiment gone really wrong... in case you need to get the image of Big Bird giving birth out of your head.

Well... I've gone and done it. I bought something with the Steelers logo on it. (man... its the most comfortable hoody I've ever worn.)

Who farted?

This had to be... in order to complete the outfit.

Someone is in the Christmas Spirit!!!

Someone IS the Christmas Spirit!!!

2005-12-20T00:37:00.000-05:00

I have a secret pleasure.

As you might know... I am a professional stay-awake person. Along with this job... come certain "perks". Depending on the night... as long as there is no crisis going on... I am allotted the freedom to watch as much t.v. as I want. We all know the choices of quality programming on in the middle of the night... and I am not ashamed to admit... that I love infommercials. But not just ANY infommercial. My favorites are the music ones. I'm never tempted to buy, but watching it appeals to my nature to radio channel surf. I only need a snippet of a song to appease the beast. When there are tons of snippets... there is tons of appeasing. A few of my favorites... Classic Rock; Classic Soul Ballads; Soul Duets; Golden Hits; Love Songs and Retro Remix. Right now, Classic Soul Ballads is on... and I'm in that special state of mind where you halfway close your eyes and lip sync to the high notes... but not outloud because thier voice is your voice. I am Smokey Robinson, Marvin Gaye, Luther Vandross, Al Green and the extra member in Boys II Men.

Oh... there's also the funny dating commericals. Seriously... 1 800 Dial A Mate?

2005-12-18T19:55:00.000-05:00

ramble...

left... left... left... right.. left...

I watched two military movies today. Heartbreak Ridge and Glory... and I'm so glad I didn't join the military because I dont think I could take that many left-footed steps. But speaking of... I think I'm going to double down and start doing walk aerobics. I'm going to try my hardest to avoid wearing spandex and growing my hair out to put in a bun. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to quit eating buns with my hamburgers... well, ok... I might just use one half. And what exactly is in half -n- half? I could google it, but I'm already here and there is no sense is ruining a perfectly good flow of genius writing. I'm not quite sure how to take any book by David Sedaris. I'm reading Naked right now, and I love his style, but... there is no life value to it. I like to justify the fact that if I read books, they have to have life value to them, or otherwise I'd just waste my time on humor and witty banter. But what's time anyways? I don't own a watch because there aren't too many places I have to be that requires me knowing what time it is on the spot. There's always a wall clock somewhere. I love the sounds those make... but I've noticed its more of a titick titick sound than a tick tock one. I wish someone hadn't thought of the "tick tock" phrase. I wish it would have been "Hey Hey" instead... The hour chimes could have been words that rhyme with "you" and better yet if you could record your own phrases into the clock. Noone patten that idea... I thought of it first. (or last), but there is that "the first will be last and the last will be first" thing... So, i'm good either way. Come to think of it... what are some things that are always good "either way"? My guess is that its a decision that doesn't usually directly involve us, on a serious level anyways... i'm good either way.

2005-12-14T03:58:00.000-05:00

BBBBBRRRRRRR!!!!!

I just had 5 wonderful nights off from work... and I'm welcomed back with a bang.

So, I had plans to pick my buddy Mike up so I could take him to work since his car is in the shop. No problems. Well, at 6pm or so... my car decides to take a turn for the worse and has something go wrong with it... probably an alternator belt... or fan belt or something. I'm having it taken to the dealership in the morning to figure it out, but I'm grounded... and had to get Mike to borrow someone else's car to pick me up now in return. So, we get to work, JUST in time and I'm working in a cottage where the thermostat is broken. YAY! so... that means its FRIGGIN freezing in here! I just walked up to the front window of the cottage and there is literally... ICE on the INSIDE of the window! I can't feel my face. The only thing keeping my fingers warm is the keyboard on the laptop. The muscles in my back hurt from shivering so hard. Is this reasonable cause for me to just go sit in the boiler room and say "screw this job... if a kid runs away in this weather, they deserve what they get." ??? I think its reasonable. Well... at least I have a nice warm fleece blanket in my car (that's in my driveway at home.)

BBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-11T15:22:00.000-05:00

... because... you need a classic song stuck in your head... that's why.

2005-12-11T12:32:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I saw The Chronicles of Narnia yesterday. It was ok... for a kid's movie, it was fantastic. Actually, the best part about the movie was watching the little girl sitting in front of me react to the movie. When Aslan made his first appearance, she was the only one in the entire theatre to applaud... loud and for a long time too. The parents tried shooshing her... her, there was no stopping her. She was excited and that was that my friends! When Aslan died... she cried and mom held her... it was touching. Then, when Aslan came back... You've never heard joy being expressed in a movie theater like this before, yelling like she's the number one fan sitting in the front row. And she was the only one expressing it. At first I thought... "man, what courage." But it wasn't courage really at all. It was innocence... and if you had to choose between the two... I'd take innocence over courage any day.
So, I'd see the movie again... only as long as I get to sit behind a child who can appreciate it more than me again.

2005-12-08T01:14:00.000-05:00

FACE HUG!!!!!

2005-12-06T01:08:00.000-05:00

Ah ha.
Sometimes...
You've just got to get lost in the music... even 80's music.

Funny thing about Family Guy... is that there is a guy I work with who looks JUST like Chris. I love that guy.

2005-12-05T20:48:00.000-05:00

I rock.

2005-12-05T03:35:00.000-05:00

I admit it... In the Air Tonight was the song in my cd player in high school when I played football. I would listen to it, over and over again... before the game. It was MY pump-up song. The soft first half of the song would allow me to think about the fundamentals... the plays... my blocking assignments... and that poor soul across from me. Then, there are the drums and Phil letting me know, that "hey tres, get ready... something is in the air tonight... and it has your name written all over it." So, while I sat, low browed, lip-curled and glaring off at some sworn enemy I couldn't see yet... I would constantly be asked, "Tres, are you ok? Don't take it so seriously... we're playing a team that hasn't won a game in 2 years." It didn't matter. I was playing this game for blood, and Phil was there to back me up, with his anthem of encouragement. And you could not have disturbed me when I was zoned into that music. My coach even knew better to talk to me when I had my headphones on. Listening to this song right before I took field was just as important as the week long practices. Others were the same... but they had some rapper singing about putting a bullet in someone. Forget that... that was the easy way out. I WAS THE BULLET! Unstoppable... and would make sure that the defensive lineman across from me would let his momma know that he took a beating that night. I still get the rush from hearing that song... but mostly, now I just drive faster when its playing in the car, and of course... use the steering wheel as a set of drums. No one gets beaten anymore... i'm a softy. (for now)

2005-12-03T13:10:00.000-05:00

Consider me a fan of Jack Johnson.
Remember being a kid? I remember those long trips to Florida we took every summer with my grandparents. It was only five hours from our driveway to the Granada Inn, where we stayed every year for as many years as I can count childhood lasting.... but those five hours seem like eternity when Papa is taking bathroom stops every hour and the lead had been drained from his foot long ago. On top of that... there is the anticipation of being at the beach, smelling the saltwater, racing to press my face against the air conditioning unit, scrapping my toes on the rough pool cement, picking up shells with granny, babe-watching with papa, finding a week long romance, going out to the different resturants every night, souvineir shopping, and seeing how long I could stand in one place while the tide buried my feet in cold sand.... nabbing the sand crabs when they dared to show thier heads. There was a week long of the same annual routine to look forward to... and that car ride was the only thing in my way. That backseat was my worst enemy... and there weren't enough coloring books or travel games in the world to tear me away from the fantasy becoming a reality... each mile bringing me closer.
Well... about that car ride... and this song....
Sometimes the only thing I could do, was look out the window and notice the changes in the horizon the further south we got. The first time a palm tree entered the scene... the world took on a new meaning. There was hope. There was paradise coming! I still get a little excited when i see a palm tree. AND i remember a distinct thought from one of those times, window gazing....
I wanted to see a scene where nothing between me and as far as I could see, was made by men. I wanted a natural, beautiful sight... original and untouched. I knew the ocean was the only place I could stand... look out, and on an early morning sunrise... not see a ship, or a runaway beachball. Its amazing how hard you have to try to get away from anything untouched by man.... and with that realization... it becomes (it became) a parallel desire to do what you must to see beauty in this life in its untouched, original form. Unfortunately, the horizon has been defeated with distractions, obligations, responsibilities, and the rules common to man... so that we may live among one another and thrive off each other. So, escaping those man-made distractions involves one of two things. The first, is to adopt an alternate reality, pretending the buildings and billboards of human priority just isn't there... and the view of that beautiful horizon is... by trying your best to avoid the second... And that is to get in your proverbial car... endure your eternity-long wait... and look forward to seeing the wait pay off... so, that you may experience paradise.
I don't go to the Granada Inn anymore... I haven't been to florida on a family vacation in a long time... my granny has passed away... and I haven't seen a natural sight as far as the eye can see in as long as I can remember. But I wont let hope fade... I can't let the horizon be defeated.

2005-12-02T03:20:00.000-05:00

Who better to sing this song than The Corrs? The lead singer, Andrea, just happens to be one of the most attractive women I've ever laid eyes on. But I do have more of a thought than some kind of wishful thinking fantasy of ever having a chance with meeting her, letting sparks fly... and buying a condo in the islands, raising our little Irish baby, whom I would call Wyatt Ditto Wyatt.
"when the rain washes you clean, you will know."... following the lyrics... "thunder only happens when its raining," ect...
I love these lyrics, even though its not always true. I've heard thunder without rain. I've seen rain without thunder. I'll go swimming during either. Call me a rebel. This song, to me, is about the flighty nature of people in relationships with one another... specifically romantic. Without being in a relationship and having my own realistic wishful thinking fantasies about being in one... I'm prone to think along the lines of the anticipation that goes with waiting for the love of a woman, but not just any woman. My mom's husband Bill can attest to that one... he got a good one. Well, with anticipation comes all the equipment you need to get yourself into trouble also. You may provoke other relationships, doomed from the start, into being something it never will be... bringing on heartache, fighting, and confusion... maybe even distaste for the opposite sex, driving people into all sorts of directions, away from an ingeneious design for romantic love. Then... when we've stepped out into the "rain" of misleading relationships... we hear the "thunder" loud and clear saying "This is not what you are supposed to have.... This is not what you need... why don't you listen?" Thunder is a great accomplice to rain. It says "wise up fool... there is more to this cloud than a few drops of water, and if you're not careful, you're bound to get hit." AND on the opposite end... rain is a great accomplice to thunder, because once you've decided that waiting for that someone is better than making stupid decisons in the name of anticipation... you are at least left with the reminder of where you just were... dripping wet. Now, getting wet can be an inconvienience, but at least you know what to stay away from in relationships. In a way... simply knowing and getting wet in relationship's Rain, will wash you clean... and clean enough to be presentable to the thing you have been anticipating all along. Her. (or if you're a girl... Him).........
.......
.......
.......
or God... if you're looking for love that never fails.

2005-11-30T11:48:00.000-05:00

So, you see that U2 video playing over there?... I want to do something day by day for as many videos i can find. I'm going to change it every day... so, if you miss the video, you miss the fun.
What does that song mean to you?... Who is Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?

To me...
Its a woman faced with a decision between exiting into a new stage of life or retaining her youthfulness... emotionally or spiritually. The song is from the perspective of one who has been through it before, who knows her well enough to know her behavior and to have her trust, and well enough to tell her like they see it. This helper is asking an intrusive question, trying to stay on the outskirts by keeping the intrusivenss vauge in a poetic way. Who's gonna ride your wild horses?... meaning, who is going to live free for you if you turn in your saddle. While, at the same time is asking, saying... girl, its time to mature into a woman, but do you realize what you're giving up when you do? And during that struggle.. is the girl going back and forth between the decision to keep her youth and becoming her mature self, not wanting to lose one or dive too deep into another, without any warning of how deep the maturity goes before she's willing to let her wild horses go on without her. So, in the meantime... there is the woman making girl-ish decisons from time to time, picking and choosing between the two lives. But enough of that and that will leave her neither a girl or a woman... but some hybird of confusion.... causing her to turn around every step of the way... until she knows what she needs to be... to be happy with herself.
ok... that's one take on it i guess.

2005-11-29T04:33:00.000-05:00

I feel as if I am neglecting the blog here... I've been spending a lot of time working on my new MySpace thing. I think it might be my new addiction. Its odd... I signed up for it last week sometime, and I already have found tons of people from all over that I've lost touch with... and have regained it in some small way, but at least its at all. That, and I can use it for music... I'm hoping to get a few artists to record some songs with me via internet and downloading... Dayne especially.

I had to get rid of the creepy eyes that moved around. It kept redirecting the site to thier main site... I like to keep my blog convenient and free of ads.

So, here's an ad for you...
What are you all getting me for Christmas???

2005-11-26T06:44:00.000-05:00

QUICK!! TURN DOWN YOUR SPEAKERS IF YOU DON'T WANT ANY LOUD NOISE!!
Yeah... I've been tweaking the pad. The U2 video is cool. The picture of me is creepy. Try not to lose any sleep. (its over the right... use the mouse... it's all in the wrists.)

2005-11-24T01:12:00.000-05:00

Everyone... I'd like to introduce you to Mark... my supervisor. It's good to work with greatness. I had the choice of putting up this picture and living... or, putting up the picture of him with a pig nose and being homeless... it's cold outside... I choose inside.

2005-11-22T01:00:00.000-05:00

Right on! I just figured out how to post videos on the internet for free. WOO!
I did a little test run on it... and recorded myself playing a drum. Its the only video I have, so... some have already seen it. But if you want to... then here is the TRES TRIO in action.
Google will only allow original material on there... and its copyrighted you talent grabbing fools!

I'm also working on a MySpace where I can record original songs and post them on there. I'm picking a little at songwriting and even though I will never aspire to being Daynegerous... I will at least give it an attempt... If I can figure out how to work the site to do it. You can get there by clicking on... THE SOUND OF A SIMPLE TON

2005-11-17T10:12:00.000-05:00

Ok... this state has a lot of special people in it. I miss and love you...

GEORGIA!!!

2005-11-16T02:38:00.000-05:00

Ohio?

2005-11-14T05:50:00.000-05:00

I knew I could count on Jeremy... and I didn't even get to Tennessee yet! Jar... you forgot to give a fun fact about you and/or the place you're from. I guess giving your phone number out on a public blog is fun enough. Hey... that's alright... Since Jar has inspired me to look outside the Northern parts of America... let's go with Tennessee... (feel free to redeem yourself Jeremy). And its never too late to comment... Indiana!

2005-11-13T12:39:00.000-05:00

Ok... maybe Indiana was a stretch... let's start with... Pennsylvania instead...

2005-11-12T10:43:00.000-05:00

No comments all month?... sheesh...

OK... lets try something... If you're reading this and your from...hhmmm... INDIANA... give me a fun fact about you or the place you're from.

2005-11-12T00:01:00.000-05:00

Yester-y-night... was officially the longest stretch of days in a row I've been at work. Tonight... is the new official longest stretch of days in a row I've been at work... making that 21. Lord willing and the creek don't rise... i'll get out of here in the morning (on time.) Yeah... I was watching the Discovery channel... or something similar... and there was a show on about isolation jobs. No way could I do what the guy in the MIR space station did... 430+ days in space...alone.... Blah. That's a LOT of free time. I think I'd seriously go crazy... more so than now.

2005-11-10T05:11:00.000-05:00

Good news...
I bought my phone from Verizon about 2 months ago. Well, this morning... I got home after work and was getting ready to head off to bed. Well, before heading that way... I had to make a little pit stop to the bathroom. Before I knew it... my 2 month old phone was making a B-line from my front hoody pocket straight into the yellow water. I couldn't catch it in time... so, there it sat and soaked for no more than 2 seconds. I had a nanosecond to decide if I thought this was worth salvaging because cell phones cost a lot... or just flush it and go on with life and a clogged drain. With no further hesitation... I reached in and grabbed the phone like I was pulling it out of Hot Lava. Are you grossed out yet? Let me help you out if you're not. It would have been better if the pee was mine... but it wasn't. So, I get the phone out and violently try shaking out the goo'ness. Thinking back on it now... I probably shaked it to more places than the sink. Blah. Well, this wasn't working... and neither was the phone. I took off the battery and paper toweled it as dry as I could. I waited a while to have it dry off and in the meantime... I was scrubbing my hand in hot water and soap like I never have. I'm sure if there was any dirt on there from when I was a kid... its gone now. Maybe I should carry latex gloves in my pocket from now on. So, after a little while I tried the extra battery out on the phone... And its shot! The screen was coming on, but only a white screen. The other battery (the expensive one) shorted out. I didn't check for noises... because I didn't want a pee soaked phone on my ear. Which lead me to sit there and contemplate... Even if this thing does come back on... I dont really want it anymore. So, after an hour of debating... I made my way to the Verizon store and see what they could do. I wrapped it in a paper towel and handed it over to the technical guy. And here's the beauty of someone just passing you off like you're no one. I told the guy what happened... he gave me a little head nod and smirk and took the phone out of the paper towel and was playing around with it. I gave him fair warning... way in advance... and even asked him to put on gloves or something. Nope, I got the "I'm not really paying attention to you attitude." His loss. Of course, there was nothing I could do but pay for a new phone at full retail value. So, I did. I went ahead and bought a decent one with insurance in case any full toilets await me in the near future. I'll use prongs next time. There was no way to get all the phone numbers I had in there off the pee-phone... so, I've lost everything. I've managed to get a few back since this morning... but for the most part... I've lost touch with everyone unless they call me and tell me thier numbers again. What I'm really sad about though... is not the lost phone numbers... or so much even the phone I had for only two months. I'm sad that I lost all my pictures I took of the U2 concert that were stored on the phone. I remember sending out a few from the concert... but I dont remember who I sent them to. If you have any pictures I sent to you... could you PLEASE refurbish me with them? I would love your face so much if you could. Be good.

2005-11-06T20:52:00.000-05:00

"shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!"

Seger put it the right way... maybe he was a little unchoice on the words. (like making them up like I do)... but the idea was right. I complain too much about things I have no business complaining about. Whether it be work or how out of shape I always feel... or how I think that people percieve me. (like a guy at Discovery who just makes me feel shameful being in the same room with him.)

"quit planning and just do it!" ---- everything is an exclamation with Seger... and I'm not quite sure reality, frank, do or die therapy works with me... and I realize its probably coming more out of frustration on his end listening to me than an attempt to correct... but I appreciate the ideas regardless.
Its strange actually... When I get the tough guy coach approach to me... I revert back to my high school jock mentality of thinking... "haha... I'm going home to watch tv in an hour and you'll be sitting at home and worrying about your job. Yell all you want sucker." But I respond at the moment. That just might be the ingredient. I'm obviously absoultely horrible at planning... but in that moment... I'll act on it, strong. And then not care about it an hour later. I could use someone to do things with me... in the moment... like a coach or a partner that could motivate and inspire to carry on... and be even stronger together an hour later, when making a plan of action doesn't matter, because we were going to do it anyways. Maybe that's what attracts me to a woman who is in shape... not in that shallow "i'd like to have a piece of that" mentality... I'm beyond that... but "hey, she looks like she could fit the bill to help me get to where I want to be... physically, emotionally... and spiritually." I realize that this is also a selfish way of thinking... and along the lines of planning again... but for this... I can at least hope......Not for the "hottie"... for the time I can look back on being the complainer, the big guy, the worker who puts in more hours than effort. No woman could fix that!
hmm.... dilemma.... get up and "quit planning and just do it!" or keep thinking... this is a dilemma.
I had a thought about dilemmas today. "What if I eat the same thing everyday? How BORING would that be to have salads and skinless chicken everyday??? BLAh! And then... it occured to me (as i was falling) that I DO have the same diet everyday already! *its a little too shameful to admit what it is* ... but I'm already doing the boring thing... why not just alter it to healthy? I have to thank Caleb for bringing that to my attention this morning. You see... things I already knew... but just needed to hear it from someone else...who gave a hint of caring even in the least. Caleb probably does himself better by never reading this blog... but thank you anyways brother.
Friends... I have not turned my back on you... I still love you all.

2005-11-05T03:39:00.000-05:00

I'm supposed to be in Johnstown tonight....
I'm at work instead...
I have to stay 2 hours overtime...
I'm in the cottage with the craziest group of girls I've seen in a year and a half...
I was almost in a restraint tonight...
I have gone 9 months without being in one...
I'm on 36 hours of overtime this pay...
I get in trouble by the administration when I go over 32...
I'm not where I planned on being tonight...
I'm supposed to be in Johnstown tonight...
making friends.

2005-11-03T05:42:00.000-05:00

I bought the 10th anniversary version of Myst, 1-2-and 3 today for 20 bucks. MAN! it's hard. I have just gotten through giving my first shot at it... and realized that I was playing the game for over 5 hours, without blinking. If i had to guess.... the Myst 1 is going to take me a couple of months to get through. Myst 2 (Riven)... probably longer than that... and the third one... wow... it might take me a year to beat these games. That's alright... I like a challenge. I think the most challenging thing I'll have to get past, is looking up the answers online. Eventually, I'll want to... but that'd be a waste of money eh?

So, i'm going to Johnstown PA this weekend. I'm calling off work on friday, because 21 days in a row at work is too much. Argue if you'd like... but I dont want to do it. Johnstown I do want to do. Problem solved... i'm going, for once, to live a little since I've started this job and call off twice in one month... which makes that three times since I started this job a year and a half ago. Open up the flood gates... I'm rushing in.

2005-10-31T00:54:00.000-05:00

2005-10-30T22:28:00.000-05:00

Who doesn't like a Christopher Walkin in space?... I should create my own photos....

2005-10-28T15:02:00.000-04:00

F...I..N...A...L...L....Y!!!!

I just got my system restore cd from Gateway. It has been 3 weeks in the waiting... and i have called 3 times complaining. The last time I called... i raised a little fuss. So, today... in the mail... I got not one... not two... but three of the same discs. I'm glad they have seen the light. Now... time to restore this puppy!!!

2005-10-27T08:47:00.000-04:00

Wow... its all I got. just... wow.

I hope I get a 'boggin.

I have to learn to be a great gift-giver.

2005-10-27T03:24:00.000-04:00

Do you ever get that feeling that someone is talking behind your back? I hate that feeling. Because of my whole ordeal with the childline thing... the agency has taken extra precautions for allowing such a thing to happen again... which I think is great. But those extra precautions have caused 3 of the cottages I work in an extra sheet of paperwork each night for the midnighter. One of the cottages has a midnighter who's been doing this since I was in high school, so over a decade. Oh man... I altered a change of pace in someone's night to night routine, who has grown very set in thier ways. Why does it seem that I end up stirring up trouble wherever I am? So, this other midnighter had some choice things to say... Should I make truce? or let it go and bone one up to the act of progress? I faced a similar thing when I introduced a drum set to a VERY conservative group of pew sitters a couple of years ago.

I'm gonna go with what my buddy Mike said... "If they have something so trivial that causes them grief... then that's thier trauma, not yours." And I thought about it a little. Yeah, what if I were the bystander pedestrian walking on the sidewalk that an unattentive driver was heading towards... causing them to swerve and get into an accident. Would I feel I needed to take the blame for it? No. I'm walking... and the chances are... after the damage had been done and dealt with... I'd keep walking. I'd have to, to get anywhere.

So, come what may... say what they will... its a better, more secure place... and its wont hurt anyone to March to the beat of a Different Drummer. I have and I'm fine.

2005-10-26T05:23:00.000-04:00

Alright... the concert was amazing.
U2 brought some local pittsburgh fan on stage with them to play a song called Party Girl. The crowd went nuts. Whoever that guy was... lived a dream. I didn't feel as if the band was just passing through Pittsburgh. They had me and the rest of the sold-out crowd convinced that they prepared thier whole career to play Just for us. The showmanship.. the music... the energy... the message... the songs... was above and beyond what I expected from the greatest band in the world. Bono pulled this cool trick with cell phones... He had everyone who had one, pull them out and hold them high. Then he had the house lights dropped and it looked like we were outside, looking down at the stars. The whole arena was lit up by them. Well, I was looking down anyways. I had the perfect seat. And it should have been good... I paid 160 bucks for it. I was just off to the left of the stage with a fantastic view. I didnt even have to use the binoculars I bought... I could see the sweat without them. I can't wait until I can see them again. Maybe this time... in Ireland.

Its a good night at work here. One of my supervisors, Bill... is back from being out for a month from having a tumor removed. He looks strong and is doing well. I missed that guy. And let me remind you... I have THE BEST bosses EVER! Coming from a guy who would be happy working with no boss... that says alot.

So, I'm trying to plan a trip over to Johnstown, PA where my buddy from work Mike lives. I'm looking forward to seeing this Flood Capital of the world. Maybe I can take a stroll down Abby Road while I'm there. I hear its nicer when its warm... but you know me... I'm content.

A thought?...
I got nothing. Why is that? I need to do some more deep thinking... but lately, I feel like i've been on auto-pilot. I suppose that's alright when you claim to be a simple-ton.

2005-10-22T16:00:00.000-04:00

My excitement level is about to go through the roof! Right now I'm sitting in the East Parking Lot, a stone throw away, from the entrance of Mellon Arena in downtown Pittsburgh... waiting to see the greatest band of all-time perform... U2!!!! I'm looking over at the line waiting outside the venue and I'm overhearing a herd of tailgaters talking about how they have been sitting there in the rain waiting to get in since yesterday.... I thought I was die-hard. I feel as if I am among my friends. Hopefully, my closest friends, people sitting in section C7 row M seats 11 and 13 are not obnoxious. And let's hope for thier sake I'm not obnoxious either. The only thing that would make this better is if I weren't alone here. This kind of excitement I'm giving out is contagious. I'll do my best to call those who wouldn't mind hearing a snippet of live music from Bono and buds. Jeslyn... definitely. Mike... why not? Seger, working... but could use a dose of "goodness". Boog... of course. Maybe I'll run out of battery life on my phone. I almost bought a pair of binoculars last night that double as a camera... but I didn't want to risk them confo'ing it. Alright, I'm 3 hours early... maybe I can go see about getting in the door. One man, me, came in the name of Love!

2005-10-22T04:56:00.000-04:00

i'm 56% dateable.

2005-10-16T17:26:00.000-04:00

This is funny... I'm actually on stage right now writing in my blog between songs at the gig I'm at. So, I just had to get on and write about it.

welp... here comes the finale'...

WOO!!!

2005-10-15T03:07:00.000-04:00

I'm seeing U2 in 7 days.

I was thinking today...
Imagine that for the rest of eternity you were locked into one action, one place, one permenant fixture of circumstance. The problem with this... is that you are as fixed into this enviroment as much as what is surrounds you is. You would be allowed free thought... giving you the emotions of an everyday sort. If you have seen Groundhog's Day, this is the idea, except the enviroment doesn't start over... you're just stuck in a progressive unpropelling universe of your own. You don't forget, you experience it as it is... and nothing ever changes... nothing... ever. The positive side of this is... you get to pick the enviroment, the circumstance and the actions going on around you. It is your absolute and free-willed choice to conjur up whatever you desire. I'd imagine that many people view heaven this way. For some, it is heaven to blow yourself up and spend an afterlife with your 40 virgins. Just you... and the virgins. For some, it is heaven to live a decent life and maybe get to fly-fish for ages. For others, it is heaven to dance on clouds and fly with angels. Even some might think... it is heaven enough to leave this place. We all have some preconcieved idea on what the perfect enviroment might be. So, why not? Here you are... you are given the chance to create your perfect, never changing enviroment... where you are fixed in for the rest of time and more so. What would it be?
I could imagine the ones with thier 40 virgins... I'm willing to bet that after a week or two... they wouldn't be virgins anymore, depends on the stamina you've allowed yourself. Then, you're not dealing with 40 virgins for the rest of eternity anymore. The virgin side of it has lost its immediate flavor and your left with the unquenchable thirst of what you had ONCE right after the timer went off. I'm guessing this is where you'd try to change the rules... but you can't. You aren't given the option to do that... I hope the shrapnel in your gut was worth it. I'm sure several of your 40 victories will make it a daily reminder for you that it wasn't.
What about fly fishing? What would you do with an eternity's worth of trout? I hope you gave yourself an appetite for an all-fish diet. "My precious".
So, what would you choose? What could hold your attention no matter the excess of being engrossed in it forever?
I think the answer to this question will help you solve the riddles and hard questions in making life's most difficult decisions. "What do I want to accomplish with my life?" "Who will I love?" "Who will love me?" "What is my purpose?" "How do I leave my mark?" "Where do I go from here?"
If you have in mind the perfect place... trapped in circumstance knowing full well that you have to tolerate it and persevere forever (even the finest of things), then you have a basic idea of your passion for the temporary. Why not base your decisions, your roles, your influences on that one thing? If I chose to play hand drums for the rest of eternity... knowing full well that my hands would tire, bleed, and swell... all for the music, and was able to accept that... then what should I be doing with drumming while I'm not fixed? Do I realize that this is thing we're doing called living is not a selfish endeavor and what I WOULD do for eternity is something I COULD do right here and now? How much priority would we give to our passions if we knew they would prepare us for the afterwards, regardless of what we might initially want, desire....ummmm...need?

Keep your virgins, your trout, your fluffy clouds, your winged escort service or your guessing game. I'll stick to the music... in the hope that the music will stick with me.

2005-10-13T00:49:00.000-04:00

We can dance if we want to...
We can leave your friends behind...
Cause if your friends can't dance...
welll then...
they're no friends of mine...

We can go where we want to...
We can leave this world behind...
something... something...
something...

Sssssssss.Aaaaaaaa.Ffffffff.Ttttttttt.Eeeeeee.Yyyyyyyy..... SAFETY DANCE!

2005-10-10T09:54:00.000-04:00

On the Visitor Odometer... we are close to having enough miles to reach Beijing, China. It's 13,560 miles away... Who's going to Beijing?!?!?! Let me know.